


Whole

by VkFujan



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Minor Clary Fray, Plotty, This fic gave me cavities, Trans Male Character, Trans Raphael Santiago
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-04 19:54:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6673453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VkFujan/pseuds/VkFujan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raphael isn't talking to Simon, and he is sure he did something wrong to his boyfriend.<br/>Clary's piece of advice? Talk to him, damn it!<br/>So Simon apologizes for everything and Raphael has a secret he is afraid of sharing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whole

**Author's Note:**

> Figures I would put a small glossary here:  
> Ace: Asexual, one that engages little to no sexual attraction or interest. It can go from "I do sex, but I don't really care about it" to "I despise sex and can't stand anything remotely sexual".  
> AFAB: Assigned Female At Birth, usually what happens with people with vaginas.  
> Dead name: The birth given name, usually a name that no longer serves the person's gender.

Simon messed up big time.  
He didn't know what he had done, but oh my... He sure did something _wrong_.  
When Raphael ran away, his eyes were pure panic, panic and pain. A look Simon never wanted to see in his eyes again, much less be the cause of it.

His phone rang once and he ran to it, thinking that it could be Raphael. But it was just a text from Clary and he felt guilty for his instant disappointment.

Clary: Hey Simon, how are things?

Simon groaned, _things_ were the badder they had been in a long time. Since he and Raphael started dating.

Simon: Going... What about you, how is everything?

Clary: Nice! Ive been attending SO MANY meetings and training sections! Im sore! I miss our movie nights sometimes, everything went so slower then

Simon: Yeah I feel you...

Clary: Simon what is wrong?

Simon: Nothing Clary, srsly

When she didn't instant reply, Simon thought she would give up on him. But Steven Universe's theme song started playing and it was her, calling.

\- Hey, Clary...

\- Simon, what’s wrong?

\- It’s Raphael.

\- Why didn't you call earlier? Is he hurt? Is everything alright?

\- I don’t know. I think he is fine, _physically_ , yes. But also, he isn’t speaking to me.

\- Maybe you did something that upset him.

\- I thought so too, but I...

\- You?

\- We were making out, okay? We are kissing, and he is pulling my hair with one hand and digging his nails in my back with the other. I got him against the wall and I was completely pressed on him, my erm... _Excitement_ rubbing on his leg and, when I got my hands from his hips to under his shirt, he suddenly froze. Like I was kissing a marble statue. And I pulled away, of course. I asked what was wrong and he muffled a “nothing” before stepping away.

\- And he’s been avoiding you since?

\- It’s not like avoiding. We exchange greetings and small talk, but he won’t let me get intimate with him. I don't mean like in a physical way, but we are friends above anything and now... When I make a joke, he roll his eyes and leave; he is always too busy to watch something and he absolutely doesn’t get alone with me.

\- Okay, besides the too-much-information earlier, maybe he wasn’t comfortable with what you were doing.

\- Do you think he is ace?

\- Maybe. I don’t know, Simon. But you need to get him to talk, so you can know his limits.

\- Yeah, I don’t want to be this awkward forever.

\- See? Go get your boyfriend back, then!

\- But he doesn't want to see me! Or talk to me...

\- At least one last time, Simon. Talk to him and if he still wants his distance at least you will know why. You guys didn't broke up, did you?

\- No, we didn't.

\- See? Then, there's still hope!

\- You are right, Clary. You are an awesome friend.

\- I know, now go! Bye!

She hung up before giving him the chance to say anything else.

 

Simon kept pacing in his room, rewinding the scene in his mind, trying to pin what he did wrong. Now everything seemed out of place, not once he asked if Raphael was ok with what he was doing, he just went through the motions. Simon needed to apologize, and a lot. He didn't want to lose Raphael's trust like this.

When he came to it, sunrise was coming in less than two hours and he decided that he would just get to Raphael and find out.

He smelled his boyfriend in his own room and knocked on the door.

\- Yes?

\- Raph, it’s me. Can I come in?

\- Simon. – The older vampire said as he opened the door – Now is not a good time.

\- Are you busy with something? I really need to talk to you.

Raphael let out a big sigh, but stepped aside the door.

\- Dios… Guess I can spare a moment.

\- Thanks…

Simon entered the room and headed for the queen-sized bed. He sat at the edge and started playing with the sheets' embroidery.

\- So, what do you want to talk about?

Simon looked up at Raphael and he looked tired. Even more than normal, his hair was messy and curling on the ends, he wore sweat pants and a lose shirt. Young, he looked young and tired and Simon didn’t realized how much he missed being with him until they were in this situation.

\- I-I wanted to apologize, actually, for that last time. I shouldn’t have been so aggressive... I-I should have asked for permission before touching you like that. I enjoyed, yes. Because oh my G- awgh! You are hot! And I still can’t believe I get to call you mine and kiss you and have your whole attention sometimes! But that doesn’t mean I can just go doing things my own way without minding how you feel about them. So yeah, I’m sorry that I invaded your space and made you uncomfortable; I love you and I don’t want to let this rotten between us. I’m sorry and I’ll do anything to make things right again. So please,  _please_ , stop avoiding me... Though, if you don’t want to see me again, I’ll totally respect that. It would hurt like hell, but I can understand it-

\- DIOS MÍO! ¿¡Usted no sabes cuándo parar de hablar?!

Simon looked startled at Raphael.

\- I think you gave me a migraine. Calm down, fledgling. I’m not mad at you.

\- You aren’t? Then-

\- I… - Raphael let out another tired sigh – I need to tell you something. I’ve been meaning to tell you for some time now, but… Dios, I don’t know. I think I was scared?

\- Raph, if you are going to tell me you are ace, I kind of figured tha-

\- What? No! I mean, yes, I'm asexual but that's not it.

\- See? I knew it! Don't worry babe, we don't need to do anything of that sort again. I love you for who you are and sex is great, but being with you is way better. I finally found a relationship where things falls into the right places and-

\- Simon. If you would just let me finish it, please? 

\- Oh, right, sure go ahead.

\- I’m transgender.

Raphael turned away, looking at Simon’s reflection on the window.

\- You are trans? - Simon looked at the floor, processing it for a moment - Trans like afab? Or do you want to be treated as a woman from now on? ‘Cause I don’t mind having a girlfriend at all.

\- What?

\- What pronouns do you prefer?

\- He, him, of course. But wait! How do you know so much about it? How come you aren’t freaking out?

\- One of my favorite webcomics has trans characters. A gay trans boy named Tom and a trans girl called Charlie! I love Tom, to be honest! Of course, there are other characters, and they are all outside the norm, like-

\- Dios mío, who would have thought that your nerdness would be on my side one day…

\- Raph… - Simon sounded serious for a moment, Raphael turned to him again. - Can I hug you?

Raphael scoffed.

\- Sure.

Simon got up and wrapped his arms around Raphael.

\- So you are telling me that you are a man? I already knew that. Sorry, I did something that made you uncomfortable, though.

\- I was into it, a lot. But when I felt you humping on my leg... – if only Simon could blush... - I was afraid you would notice the lack of volume there, or that you would feel the scars on my chest and be grossed out... I don’t know.

\- Why haven’t you told me before? Have I ever made something that suggested I wouldn’t understand it?

\- It’s not you. But it isn’t like I’m out to everyone here. We are vampires, we got other matters, but still.

\- I’m glad you trust me now.

\- Don’t you have questions and doubts? Don’t you want to see my scars or to know my dead name?

\- Dead name? You weren’t “Raphael” before becoming a vampire? Will I get a new name too?

\- Dios mío, Simon!

Raphael pushed Simon away, trying to hide his smile. Simon laughed soundly.

\- I'm kidding, haha! I know what you are talking about, but the only name of yours I want to know is the one you prefer. You know, your real one. - Raphael stared dumbfounded at Simon, when did he learned so much? - But I got a real question. Can I still pin you to a wall? I’ll make sure to have permission to everything next time.

\- Simon…

\- Okay okay, sorry. So, now that we are in good terms again… Wanna watch a movie together or play something? I don’t know…

\- Well, sunrise is in an hour... I guess we have time to finish what we started that day, if you want.

Simon’s eyes went wide.

\- Are you sure, Raph? I don’t want to push you or anything.

\- Dios, fledgling! Just come here!

Raphael reached to wrap his arms around Simon’s neck. Simon rested his hands on Raphael’s hips and almost closed the distance between their mouths.

\- Can I kiss you?

\- Sí, idiota.

\- I will take the “idiota” as an “yes”.

And the distance was closed.

Simon tried to memorize everything. Raphael’s form on his arms, the way he was completely involved by his scent, how they would scrap their tongues on each other’s fangs and taste one another.

\- God, I missed you...

Simon said while resting his head on Raphael’s shoulder.

\- Did you just said “God”?

\- Oh my G- Raphael! I did it!

\- Yeah, but you need more training.

\- Maybe we could do things that would have _you_ saying the G-word…

\- Yes, maybe…

They lustfully looked at each other’s lips.

\- Wait, can you get pregnant? Can vampires get pregnant?

\- Dios mío, Simon! Lay on the bed already, I’ll put your mouth to good use.

\- Yes, sir!

 

Later that day, they slept spooning. When Simon woke up, he was over Raphael’s chest and started tracing the scars there.

Were they fine? Would things come back to tracks now?

The older vampire woke up.

\- Simon...

\- Sorry, I didn’t meant to wake you.

\- You didn’t, it is almost night too.

- Can I ask you about your transition? Would that be okay?

- Course.

\- How was your mother about it? I know she was comprehensive about the vampirism, but…

Raphael smiled in the dark bedroom. He played with Simon's hair as he recalled his past.

\- Mama was an angel, in every aspect, to be honest.

The memory of his come out was still vivid. Raphael's tears rushing down his face while he spoke. She waited for him to calm down and did the best she could.

"Yo te enseñé a ser bueno. Así sea un buen hombre, Ro- creo que ese nombre ya no te va a servir... Hum... Si yo hubiera sabido antes, te habría dado el nombre de "Raphael". ¿Qué piensas?"  
“I taught you to be good. So be a good man, Ro- I believe that name no more suits you… Hum… If I had known before, I would have given you the name "Raphael". What do you think?”

She accepted him.

- She chose my name. She told me that, if she knew all along, I would have been "Raphael" since the beginning.

\- It's a beautiful name, suits you.

\- Once we went to the church, as we did every Sunday. And - Raphael paused so he could keep his smile away from his voice - Someone came to mama saying “Your daughter is going to rotten in hell!”

\- Why would someone talk like that about your sister? Wait, do you even have a sister?

\- They were talking about me, idiota. They were trying to offend me and I hid behind my mother, ready to ignore it, when she talked back.

\- What did she say?

\- “Si mi hijo se va al infierno, entonces hay es donde las buenas personas estan.” Translating as “If my son is going to hell, then there is where the good people are.”

\- Wow, that’s awesome!

\- She always stood by me. When I came out as trans, when I came out as a vampire.

\- What an incredible woman.

\- Sí, ella era.

\- Thanks for sharing all this with me.

\- I must say that I’m impressed with you. I thought you would freak out and it would be time before you came in terms with it...  _I thought I would lose you…_

That end was whispered, but it didn’t escape Simon’s vampiric hearing.

\- Raph, we are vampires. It’s not like I didn’t believe in trans people before, but if even vamps can exist… Besides, I’m in love with you. Don’t go thinking that will change any soon.

\- También te amo. - Raphael said as he planted a kiss on top of Simon’s head. - Now get up, I bet your shadowhunter friend will like to know that we are fine.

Raphael slid out of the bed and started to search for his clothes.

\- What, Clary? How do you know that we talked about it?

\- You may have surprised me this time, but you still are really predictable.

\- Oh, yeah? What am I thinking now, then?

\- Yes, I know I have a nice ass, now stop staring.

\- You are the one naked in front of me!

\- C’mon fledgling, I got matters to attend.

Simon got up too, finally giving in.

\- Fine, but – Simon leaned down and kissed Raphael’s lips – Make some time for me too, okay? I got this one new movie and it’s about-

Simon kept on rambling as a deep ache on his chest vanished.

Yeah, they were fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe I have a thing for Raphael's "Dios"...  
> The webcomic Simon mentions is Khaos Komix. It's one of my favs, like seriously  
> I'm learning spanish and am always open to corrections.


End file.
